Sunday, June 6
vampires. funny i've been dreaming of them recently. it can't be nightworld - that was ages ago. but my dreams are like this mixture of all the nightworld books i ever read, plus my imagination. there was that time i dreamt i was a vampire in disguise - i creeped myself out. red eyes, long swirling black hair (this part is like keller. but she's a shapeshifter. oh gosh.) and fangs. anger. a lot of anger. like this black cloud around me. attacking, killing, fleeing. running down steep stairs, swinging myself around the pillars the way i do when i'm happy, and sliding down banisters. oh gosh. so real, yet at the back of my mind i kept thinking this isn't real. this is nightworld. i'm in nightworld. i'm trapped in nightworld. in my own imagination. i dreamt i was cornered by some arch enemy - no my dears it was not my soulmate. i don't believe in forbidden love anymore, okay? bahh. - and we were doing some really strange stick fighting. oh it was a lot more elegant than that, really. i don't know how even in a dream i came up with all those complicated moves with that stupid wooden stick.like what the hell am i doing with a
wooden stick i'm a damned vampire, i'm not about to kill myself with my own stick. maybe my brain doesn't work too well at 3am. anyway. i spent half the dream twirling the stick above my head, around my head, around the arch enemy's head, and finally cornering her. she wasn't a vampire so i don't know why i thought a wooden stick could kill her. but she carried one too, for obvious reasons. really, if i dream tonight, i'll force myself to carry a metal poison-tipped stick at the very least. not. wood. goodness. maybe tonight i'll be a shapeshifter! graceful. i'll be a panther. black, smooth, and dangerous. very keller. or i could be half vampire half human - untouchable by both. then i can carry the wooden stick safely. like jez. this is madness. that dream nearly gave me hyperventilation and here i am planning another. scarly tomorrow i can't go to school and take my oral exam.. i will faint and scream and die.
but i'm venera. the jewel of the sky. someday.. when i'm up to it.. i'll rewrite the people of the planets.. please larh when i first wrote it i was only thirteen. after this... maybe... well. we'll see. maybe. just maybe. burn, little candle, burn. burn yourself to the ground. we are all cut from the same wick.
it must've been love.
8:56 pm
xoxo
